As the door opens to the tiny room filled with chaos Tom is nervous and a bit overwhelmed. The smell of sweat mixed with the ear ringing sound coming from a make shift PA in the room cause him to feel a swell of anxiety. As he gathers himself he begins to focus on the room as it moves violently but somewhat beautifully back and forth like a sea of people crashing and driving each other in a riot of emotions. The release of angst coming from the stage is stirring in Tom’s chest as his hands are firmly clasped in his hooded sweatshirt pocket. Something is happening. There is a metamorphosis, a change going on in this young man as the voice on stage screams out everything Tom has wanted to say. The beat is fast and angry like Tom has felt for sometime. The guitars wail into the wall of humanity that has grown increasingly more aggressive. Just as the moment begins to overtake Tom he is met with a bang. The elbow of a guy in the crowd crashes into his face and grinds across his left cheek leaving a large cut. The adrenaline flows through Tom as he wipes the blood off and thrusts himself forward into the crowd like a wrecking ball. The arms and legs flailing around him are like a gauntlet yet he is happier than he has been in years. His face is bloody but he is smiling as he pushes and shoves his way to the front of the stage. The songs are familiar to him though he has never experienced anything like it up close. Tom reaches to stage as his favorite line of his favorite song is about to be spoken and before he can think he climbs up the back of a kid reaching for the microphone. Tom looks desperately into the eyes of the vocalist like a prisoner looking into his own freedom. The two make eye contact which tells the man with the mic to give it up for this one moment in which Tom may just experience a new feeling. He grabs the mic and yells out with as much power and raw emotion as he can the lines of another mans pen. Then as fast as it happens it ends with Tom being crushed by an onslaught of others wanting their chance to be heard. The pile on causing him to escape under and over until he finds himself on stage, standing there like a deer in headlights he surveys the room breathing heavy and covered in sweat and blood. In a moment of pure adrenaline his launches himself forward, springing of a stage monitor into the abyss of youth below. He lands on the tops of his fellow show goers like a rock hitting the water and is carried away towards the back where he eventually is dropped to his head. Tom springs up and go right back to the middle of the crowd wanting nothing more then to experience that all over again.
Soon the show ends and as Tom walks slowly out the door into the crisp night air, ears ringing, sweaty and nursing a cut, he smiles. Tonight was not just his first hardcore show it was his first taste of freedom. That few hours was the first time in this young mans life that he felt like he could express himself. The anger and passion shared in that room brought out a person in Tom that he had never been able to get a hold of. For just a few moments of his life he was who he wanted to be and know one else seemed to care. He was able to express himself in his own way and hash out all the things he had been carrying with him for so long. In that little room Tom became a new person. In that little room Tom found himself at least for the time being. That was the night little Tommy became Tom the hardcore kid. In the next few years he will do this many more times. Each time he will become more and more confident. The songs begin to become his anthems, his Bible, and his own words. The shows become his therapy and often leave him battered but alive inside. The anger he has in his heart will be spilled out every time he steps into a venue. He doesn’t mind the cuts or the other injuries because he knows how much it has helped him. He has found friends, a family and a place to belong.
